Monthly Archives: October 2009

Oh dear…

So, it turns out, I’ve gained about 50 pounds in the past year and a half.  Literally 50.  Like the size of a kindergartner.
The only glass-is-half-full factor about this is that at least it isn’t quite the fattest that I’ve ever been.  But give me 10 more pounds.

Pitifully, I don’t feel supremely motivated to correct this.  It was so much damn work to get there in the first place; it’s hard to imagine doing it all over again.

And yet, it was really nice fitting into size 8’s.  I wasn’t slim, but I also wasn’t a fat girl.
What I feel the most is shame that my David met me when I was that other person, and then I turned back into the regular fat version.  Feels a bit like I tricked him.

It was just so much easier to be self punishing when I was in the throes of a horrible relationship, hating him and hating myself.  And Happy Maggie is a Lazy Maggie.  Who likes cheese.


And hiss.

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Filed under Chubby girl



David turns thirty

My sweet boy turned 30 years old on Saturday.

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Filed under The David

Retro Techno

I’ve become obsessed with photography.  And like, all of my obsessions, I struggle with a paradoxically insanity of simultaneously believing in my own awesomeness and despairing that I won’t ever be good enough.  The obvious question is “good enough for what?”  To which, I would dance the dance of avoidance and skittering until I finally admit that I want IT.  IT being fortune and glory, of course.

I obsess over Twitter, checking and rechecking to see if I’ve made it on to Favrd.  My little heart weeps over and over that I can’t hang with the cool kids of Twitter fame.  I wish to be a good writer.  But wishing and composing 140 characters of quip is the extent of my willingness to be actually be a good writer.
I obsess over music, searching for one new unknown band after another.  I chase down leads based on “If you like ____, then you may like ____,” wasting hours, one dollar at a time.  And the next thing I know, my latest find is featured on Grey’s Anatomy and an Appple commercial.
Most recently, I have become crazed about photography, and this makes me cringe with sheepishness.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past 2 1/2 years, it’s that everyone thinks they’re a photographer.  And oh god, now I think I’m one of them?  So here’s the thing:  I used to have a little Canon Elph, and then after I started to catch the bug, I bought a G9, which was a $500 camera that I replaced within 2 months with a EOS XS.  Which is to say, that I just started throwing money at my obsession and then I just started getting more and more obsessed.
I check Flickr non-stop to check how many views I’ve had, if there are any comments, and the cherry at the bottom of my shirley temple, if any photos have been starred.  I’ve started making contacts with strangers, and commenting on their photos, just because it gets them to comment back for me.  Admitting this makes me feel like such a loser, although if I could get dozens of complimentary comments and hundreds of views in aday the way it seems like everyone else on Flickr can, then I would embrace my loser like a long lost loser.
This is all just to preface that I got myself a new toy, and I LURVE it.  It’s a digital plastic camera called a Zumi, or technically, a Digital Harinezumi.  It takes retro style pictures with 70’s color and saturation, like a Holga or lomo camera.  And it is a tiny, wee little thing like a spy camera.
Meerkat using the Zumi!

Meerkat using the Zumi!

I don’t have to develop the film, and can just load the pictures from the miniature little memory card.  The pictures are definitely different, but cool.  The Zumi isn’t going to help make me a super duper photog, but I sure am going to have fun playing with it.  To hell with being awesome for a minute.
4026828569_8c607a0cdc_s 4026828667_d08b9a8c05_s 4027582534_3e0a2982c2_s 4027582590_809d5a0111_s 4027582684_be3c8645de_s

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Filed under Photography

Who’s a big baby

I just spent 3 consecutive nights in the household of a 10 1/2 month old.
I have never been so exhausted in my entire life.

People with babies talk about that tiredness, so I know this isn’t earth shattering information.  But damn.

Nicole has been complaining about being exhausted, and in a fit of morning sickness and a dirty toilet, she asked for some help.  So I picked a weekend to go and imagined that I’d spend 48 hours in a beatitude of cleanliness and wholesome, delicious meals.  Instead, I quickly got sucked into the miasma and succumbed to any opportunity to nap.

2 days and 3 nights.  That’s how long I spent with my nephew Max.  And oh my god.  I couldn’t help but be horrified.  People desperately want these things!  And, I want one of those things!  But it’s so awful!  Oh, the sweet, sweet conflict.

Max, 10 1/2 months old

Max, 10 1/2 months old

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Filed under Family, Friends and other Humans

This week

This week, I participated in a chicken tikka masala taste test, with the David and some lovely friends, Ali and Cooper (the good egg).
We indian-restaurant-hopped to 4 different places and picked up 4 different orders of CTM and then tried them all.  Surprisingly, the favorite wasn’t Naan ‘n Curry, but Kabana, a whole in the wall in Berkeley.
I got exceedingly full from this experiment, but I loved it.  And I love having a person like Ali who will not only indulge in such tomfoolery, but who also delights in it!  The boys were definitely of the indulgent inclination regarding this experiment, but I think they ended up enjoying it.

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Filed under Foodery