The official race photos came out. I was super excited to see them. Because zomg!
I ran a half marathon!
But then I saw them. And then a lotta self-beat-uppery commenced. I could rant and rave an ocean of vitriol about these pictures, but suffice it to say, I’m appalled by the fatness.
This is somewhere in between 9 and 10 miles, I think.
Look! You smiled! And you waved! And seriously! LOOK! That is you. Doing this crazy scary thing that you didn’t think you could.
But it’s like I can’t properly look. I can only see the bad parts.
I think part of what appealed to me about all the running was that it’s like shirking this woe-is-me fat girl personae. And I hate that lady. She’s embarrassing. I would rather either a) not be fat or b) pretend that I’m not. So I don’t like talking about her. I’m not even feeling so confident about writing this right now, because it feels like such a big admission. I hate that fat lady.
I don’t want to dwell on her. So let’s move on. That’s enough looking at the pictures. I’ll just use this to try and re-focus on efforts of not-fatness, and now that I’ve released this little snarl, just be nice to myself.
margaret edith 