Daily Archives: March 29, 2011

the forces of good and evil collide

The official race photos came out.  I was super excited to see them.  Because zomg!
I ran a half marathon!

But then I saw them.  And then a lotta self-beat-uppery commenced.  I could rant and rave an ocean of vitriol about these pictures, but suffice it to say, I’m appalled by the fatness.

This is somewhere in between 9 and 10 miles, I think.

Look!  You smiled!  And you waved!  And seriously!  LOOK!  That is you.  Doing this crazy scary thing that you didn’t think you could.

But it’s like I can’t properly look.  I can only see the bad parts.

I think part of what appealed to me about all the running was that it’s like shirking this woe-is-me fat girl personae.  And I hate that lady.  She’s embarrassing.  I would rather either a) not be fat or b) pretend that I’m not.  So I don’t like talking about her.  I’m not even feeling so confident about writing this right now, because it feels like such a big admission.  I hate that fat lady.

I don’t want to dwell on her.  So let’s move on.  That’s enough looking at the pictures.  I’ll just use this to try and re-focus on efforts of not-fatness, and now that I’ve released this little snarl, just be nice to myself.


Filed under Chubby girl