A friend’s father died last week and I can’t stop thinking about it.
I haven’t suffered this particular life event, so I can only imagine how horribly sad she must feel. But I am filled with the imaginings of, all things being equal, something we all have to go through.
So I think and then force myself to stop thinking about my own fears. And I think about my friend, wishing there was more I could do… that I could just magic away the sadness.
But all I really know to do is to just say that I’m here.
What do you do to comfort someone’s sadness?
Today is Jessica’s birthday.
Ever since I started doing things like turning 20, Jessica always did it first. For that, I will be ever grateful. It’s not so weird to be 24 or 29 or 31 when your soul mate does it first. As panicky and weird as I have gotten over a birthday, I can only imagine that it would have a certain kind of awful if I didn’t have the knowledge that it was ok and normal, because that’s how old Jessica is.
And today she is 32. I always have this sense of gratitude on her birthday and rather wish that I could wax nostalgic on her actual birth. But thanks, all the same, to Crazy Janey and Jimbo who made it all possible. And to the brothers, who used to feel like halfway to my own brothers, for being a part of that person.
I don’t know how a person like me got a friend like her, but I’m awfully glad that I did. She’s the best sort of person possible. She is patient and listens to people. I get jealous, in fact, of just how well she can listen to absolutely dullards. She is adorably (possibly freakishly) in love with her cats. She has a wonderful fashion sense, appreciative of the right flavors of quirk, vintage, and classiness. And she changes and evolves so that it’s almost kind of like having a whole new friend, who you immediately love from the word Go. A new friend who suddenly likes miso.
I kid that I have more man tendencies than I should, me being a girl. I’m no butch, but I do do some things that really remind me of how guys function.
I think babies are boring. I want to think that they’re cute. But they just don’t DO anything.
I have a high tolerance for messiness and untidiness.
I like to have answers.
Last night, my dearest friend admitted some personal stew in her pot that was making her sadly. And I opened my mouth and unleashed a torrent of blather about why it was all really fine. I can’t even remember what it was I was trying to say, because I think it was all nonsense. Or just noises to try and solve it all up, shove it in a box, and put it on the top shelf of the closet under an old blanket. When maybe I could have just said that I was sorry. Or to tell me if it develops further. Or that it’s ok to feel worried.
I like pink and purple and I buy unreasonable high heeled shoes that are too hurty to wear and I like flowers for no reason. But I just had a very shameful manly moment and I might need to regroup my girl goodness to recover.
I did finally take a wee vacation!
I planned a girls getaway for the long weekend with my friend Tiffany, who invited some of her girls and I, mine. In the end, there were seven ladies and we rented a house in Dillon Beach. It’s a tiny oceanside town about an hour and a half north.
And it was lovely. Sharon, Allison and I got there on Friday night, made a spaghetti dinner and stayed up far too late talking. Beautiful on Saturday. We drank mimosas in the morning and went for a long walk on the beach. Cold, but sunny and clear water and waves. Then Tiffany turned up with her friends Tara, Heather and Alicia. We played games, drank more, made dinner, and danced around the living room. On Sunday I got a massage at Osmosis spa with Allison, which was really fantastic and then we got and ate about a billion loaves of possibly the best food stuff I have ever let pass my lips. The word “bread” doesn’t do it justice. There was napping and movie watching in the afternoon and more games.
If I could just get my apartment cleaned up from its current gross-o state, I would be in a sublime state of relaxedness and readiness to go to work tomorrow. So almost, but not quite! And all in all, it was just so good to take some time off and go away and just be.