Mother of God

My brother’s trip to New Jersey continues to generate much conversation at me.  I have been getting non-stop chirps from my mother about the baby and how cute he is, and how great Joe is being, and how wonderful it is to be with grown-up Joe.

Nicole also reports that our mother has been incessantly crowing about how wonderful and brilliant her Joe is.  As Nicole put it today “i love him, too, but he isn’t a freaking god.”

In about 2 months, I will have had two brothers (Joe being one of them) for 30 years.  And 30 years later, I am still jealous.  Jealous, and angry.  How could a mother treat her children like that?  To treat one as if he is a god, so that he then experiences a life with that perspective, and to her air feelings so clearly and frequently that her other two children are well aware of them.

It makes me question any abilities that I think I have in interacting with other people.  My mother isn’t a moron.  She probably doesn’t know how hugely she’s played favorite all this time.  In which case, she’s deluded.  Then how do I know that I’m not deluded?  What if I’m totally wrong?  What if I think that I’m being loving and thoughtful and really I’m being an asshole?  If you’re deluded, how do you know?  And either way, then what?

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