Monthly Archives: October 2010

Under 30

The scale told me this morning that I had lost enough weight to be not obese today.  For the moment, I’m feeling pretty yay about having a BMI under 30 and trying not to think about the bazillion* pounds that I’d have to do away with to just be normal.

*30

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obsession

I happened across this blog post from The Life & Lessons of Rachel Wilkerson.  Her post was about a story written in Marie Clare about some healthy living bloggers.  The point of the story was that these girls, these bloggers, were fairly obsessive and had unhealthy relationships with food and exercise.  It gave examples of destroying food in order to avoid eating it and of examples of excessive eating which was “earned” by excessive exercise.

Rachel’s post tells about the backlash to that story and her opinions on it, people’s responses, and in general, the responsibility of being a writer and in particular, a blogger.

So, I read the article.  Then I looked up the blogs of these six women.

I thought about what Rachel wrote.

And I can’t stop thinking about it.  It seems to me that the crimes of these women is that they obsess.  They think carefully about what they eat.  They make specific exercise goals and plans and they adhere to them.  And they post, every day, about what they ate or cooked and what sort of exercise they partook in.  Truth be told, I can’t tell them apart after reading a week’s worth of content.  I think they’re all training for or just ran marathons.  They like oatmeal.  And peanut butter.  A lot.

I can totally relate.  When I am “on the wagon” I think about everything I eat and the exercise I plan on doing constantly.  I am rigid.  I have a complete menu of what I’m going to eat for the week, and then that’s what I eat for the week.  I worry about deviating.  I know what exercise I’m planning to do.  I worry about trying to fit it all in.  I think about how I can try to incorporate other exercises into my schedule.

The thing is, though, that if I don’t obsess, then I’m off the wagon.  I can’t just be casual.  I wish I could.  I would love to be a person who just makes good choices, indulges only occasionally, and enjoys exercise.  But I’m not.  Or at least I haven’t been to date.

So which is worse?  Is it worse to have issues, but be working towards health and fitness?  Or to let the issues go and be fat?  If I have to choose one, I choose to obsess.

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this dinner tried to kill me

Dinner tonight was a pork, kale and bean soup.  Super duper!

The first bit of making the soup was to saute a bunch of diced onions and then dump in some garlic, paprika and crushed red pepper.  Stir until aromatic!

Then add a cup of white wine and deglaze the pot, which was used to cook up little chunklets of pork tenderloin before starting on the onions.

When that wine hit the pan, it was like a bomb went off in the kitchen.  An evil vapor of paprika and red pepper exploded and filled my lungs.  Cough cough.

I still feel a little damaged.

But I ate that soup and showed it who’s boss.

Me.  That’s who.

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quicker faster betterer

Except for the very first day, when I was flying back from England, I went to every single day of this past round of boot camp. That’s 19 days of burpees and other business, folks. Every single day was hard as hell. My knees were achy and sore from all the squatting and lunging. I felt like such a sucky loser watching the other, fitter girls lap me in every activity.

But I had to believe it was good for me and I could feel little muscle tendrils sprouting and being stronger.

I thought I would try to keep up with my running plans while doing boot camp, but after two attempts decided that it was a lost cause. My knees couldn’t handle it and ultimately, I was just dog tired. So I stopped. And went 3 and 1/2 weeks with no running, worried that I was risking some very hard won gains.

Today, my first day off of boot camp, I went out and ran the 5K loop around my neighborhood lake, in the dark.

I did it in exactly 35 minutes. 2 and 1/2 minutes faster than the best time I had been able to muster before. I spent 3 months after running my first 5K trying to improve on my time to no avail. Turns out, not running was the secret!
For the first time in ages and ages and ages I feel like I actually did something good. It was still hard and I had some low points, but still. Faster. Improved. I am pleased.

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Breakfast

The David and I plan out all of our meals for the week, go grocery shopping, and get exactly what we need to make those meals. Except we let the weekends fly by the seat of our pants and we’re usually scrounging around eating the last bits of fruit and maybe an egg for breakfast on Saturday and Sunday mornings.
I thwarted that weekend lackadaisicalness today, though! On Thursday, I picked up the buttermilk and wheat germ required to complete this recipe for Eating Well’s buttermilk-oatmeal pancakes.
Even though they were full of oats, wheat germ, and whole wheat flour and void of a single fleck of butter, I actually thought they were pretty darned good and I would definitely make these again. In fact, even though I halved the recipe, I think we’ve got enough batter left to make more for us both again tomorrow.
How full of yay to do a little less scrounging and a little more licking maple syrup off the fork.

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universal truths

It is a truth universally acknowledged that any other scale you get on will always say that you weigh more than the scale you have a relationship with at home.

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Boot camp, Day #15

I have this grand master plan that I must fit in to my snow pants again in time to go up to Tahoe a time or two this winter.  Which means that I’ve got until New Year’s, roughly, to lose some uncertain amount of weight.  Because I’ve got no idea how much I weighed when I fit into those pants.  It was just less.

So “grand master plan” meant that I was going to try to lose about 5 pounds per month for a total of 20 by the end of 2010.  Totally reasonable, right?

The first few months of September were not being entirely amenable to the plan, so I decided to up my game and joined up with a local boot camp.

I had been pondering joining up for ages.  I walk by these women every day on the way to work.  Back when I did Couch to 5k, some of that motivation was to try and get myself boot camp ready.  And then I started doing some Jillian Michaels DVDs in the mornings.  And then I filled out the paperwork and I went.

And lo.

That first day was heinous.  It was non stop do this do that, get up, get down, push up, jump, run, skip rope, bicycles, burpies, mountain climbers, lunges, gasping for breath and wiping the sweat out of my eyes.

Almost all of the other girls are very, very fit.  I expect that I probably do about 2/3 of the workout that many of them do, because I’m so much slower.  I gnash my teeth at them and envision catching up to them.  And then I can’t even really see them any more ’cause they’ve run around the next corner already and then I think about maybe just walking a little bit for the rest of the way.

There are usually one or two other “fatties” there.  Without them, I think I may have bailed on boot  camp for all the shame.  It is so secretly good to have someone with whom you can meet eyes and you know that you’re both just thinking “shit god damn mother fucker.”

This morning was my 15th consecutive day, excluding the weekend times when I just concentrate on asking my knees to please hold it together.
Only 4 more days to go, and then a whole month will be behind me.  There’s a week off, and then it starts up again for another month, which I’m thinking I will go for.

It’s still heinous.  Each and every day.  I do feel pretty good when it’s all over, but Maggie being Maggie, I think the dread beforehand is a lower low than the post workout high is high.

It also gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, those snow pants can be squeezed into.  I will not be trying them on any time soon.  But I am hopeful.

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