Jessica’s Rules for Counseling a Heartbroken Friend

Like this list, my friend Jessica goes up to 11.

1. Stuff pockets with tissues

2. Do not say bad things about former partner type person- only listen

3. Provide snacks like pizza and low-fat cheetos and ice cream

4. Do not let friend rip up pictures or destroy mementos, simply put them out of sight

5. Try to make friend laugh

6. Be there when friend needs you, even if it’s during the season finale of your favorite show

7. Pour booze for friend, even if they have already had too much

8. After booze, don’t let friend call former partner type person

9. Also after booze, hold back friend’s hair

10. Give friend really slutty and stupid book about vampires in a hope that it will eek a smile out of them

11. Write stupid lists for friend

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