In a fit of annoyance about my non-budging scale this morning, I made a psychotic splurge on Anthropologie. Splurge doesn’t even begin to describe it. It’s too shameful to even admit to, so I shall just close my eyes and pretend it never happened.
Look for a totally stupid non-budging balance on my credit cards next month. Sigh.
Filed under Uncategorized
Scowl am I today.
I got on the scale and the number it decided to tell me was the exactly same one as the number a week ago. And I am bitter, as I was certain that it would be something ever so slightly nicer and that I would be pleased and encouraged and that it would be a secret good feeling that I’d get to carry around.
And yet.
It wasn’t a perfect week, but it seemed like it coulda been a pretty good one. I did four of my Couch to 5K runs. My work day eating was pretty darned close to perfect. There were some transgressions over the weekend time, but still… I was convinced that it would balance out in my favor.
Granted, I don’t actually count calories properly, so some of what I’m doing is just guessing. I know that I’ve been eating 200 calories worth of cereal and milk in the morning, but I also put a few walnuts and blueberries on that. A serving of walnuts could have another 200 calories, but I’m definitely have a lot less than that. But is it a quarter of a serving? A tenth? Shrug. I dunno. And I guess I’m just not at a point of caring that much.
So this week I’m still going to eat my walnuts and not worry about them, but how about I don’t eat 2 hamburgers in one go while tailgating? How bout that Margaret? Scoff.
Filed under Chubby girl, I'll be up in the gym
I really should look in the mirror.
Wearing a camisole underneath my fairly thin shirt should have been sufficient opacity to cover my whimsical! turquoise polka dotted bra. Or so one might believe. And then be wrong about.
So today, I get to be that weird girl whose underwear is showing. I really hope this goes on my next performance review because “Needs to wear opaque clothing in the workplace” is really the boost I’ve been looking for.
Filed under these are the days of my lives
I stopped having the cough that never dies.
I bought a combination lock.
I have a whole bunch of weeknights with nothing to do but make dinner and sit on the couch.
Other than my general sense of suck, I’ve got no excuses left.
It’s time to go back to the gym. Cue: howling, weeping, other sounds of woe.
I’m going to try the Couch to 5k Running Plan, which outlines 9 weeks of progressively more difficult 25 to 30 minute “runs.” The first week is 60 seconds on and 90 seconds off. I did it last night. And sadly, it was not easy.
Oh the shame.
Can I still look at myself in the mirror after experience burning in my shins because I ran at 5 mph pace for ONE MINUTE?
Ok, yes. I can still look at myself in the mirror. Because that’s not actually related to being horribly out of shape. Also, the shirt I’m wearing today, albeit somewhat too small across my ginormous bosom, exactly matches the color of my eyes and I’m being a little mesmerized by my own reflection.
Point is, though, that I’m sad I’ve fallen so far off the wagon. Like, I fell off the wagon, then rolled down the hill until settling firmly at the outskirts of Sloth City, where they’ve never even heard of wagons, because everyone there is too fat to actually fit in one.
Filed under Chubby girl, I'll be up in the gym
I was reading the latest Good Magazine about neighborhoods and their value to us as happy humans. There were articles about about what makes a neighborhood desirable, and what characteristics were unique to specific places. It gave some suggestions about how to make your own neighborhood more neighborhoody, and I decided that I am going to say “hello” to anyone I pass when I’m walking down my street. It’s just a 3 block long residential stretch. I’m too much of a nerd to try it down the commercial bits; there are way too many people there.
But I will say hello.
I’ve been here for 5 years now. I’m not a native, but it’s long enough that I belong. And long enough that I’m not still pretending that I should be moving back to San Francisco at any moment. These are the neighbors that I get. In a *good* world, these should be my people, and not the strangers that I ignore, eyes averted. But it’s Oakland. People are transient. No one stays for long and there are no roots. Except the roots that we make, and the way of it is, that you have to choose — to actively burrow, and dig, and nurture, and reach to make these roots.
Maybe you are my neighbor and you will wave when you drive by.
Maybe you will give me a hand if I drop my bag of groceries.
Maybe you are my neighbor and we will never cross paths again.
Maybe you will think it’s weird.
But you are my neighbor and I will say hello.
Filed under these are the days of my lives
I skipped an update at the start of April, largely because of lame complications related to some wild plan to use one of my credit cards to pay off David’s student loans. He’d paid off a huge chunk to cover the pending charge, but then we ended up not being able to use the card to make the payment and la la la… for a period of time there my credit card balances were not “real” and so I didn’t want to record it.
But here is an update, which I find uninspiring and just, well, sigh. It’s not 2K down from 2 months ago, but only $1299.70. I did transfer the balance for one card, which had this crazy, frustrating 22.99% APR, so I was getting a finance charge of a few hundred dollars every month. I think that doing away with that card was a good thing, but it did cost me about $400 more dollars on the new card for the privilege of making that transfer and that was a rather hefty setback.
David made me a spreadsheet that calculated my balances and interest rates and planned payments, which puts me at debt free as of December 2011. That still seems awfully far away and the amount of debt still seems unreasonably huge. Even getting under $10K isn’t scheduled until March of 2011 and gosh! That’s a long way off. But it’s not 10 years away. And not even 5 years away. I may be feeling a little up hill about it today, but still… I am totally the little engine that could.
Filed under cha-ching
This is my boot. Specifically, my right boot.
I’m not the first chubby girl to complain of such, but it’s hard to find boots that close over my calves; they’re just too fat. I still buy boots sometimes, though, and I muscle those zippers up with determination. I may squeeze my calves into oblivian and I may be left with horrible red indentations. And maybe I flounce around with muffin top calves. But whatever. Sometimes I engange in commerce and exchange money for boots.
These particular boots are causing me an awesome bit of pain that I’d like to document here. So there’s that boot up there. See the wrinkles around the ankle? See that crease? The dent pressing in? Well that little bitch is like a baseball bat that’s been whacking me in the ankle all day long, leaving me with a red evil welt just above my ankle. If only my calf were just a wee bit thinner, then the boot might be contented to stay up there where it should. Instead, it tries to be sly and slip down lower, to where the goods are a bit thinner – thus evil creases.
I like them, though, these boots of mine and chances are I will wear them again and the welt gremlin will reappear. Perhaps he and I should just try to be friends. I’m going to call him Curtis.
Filed under Chubby girl
I am having troubles putting down a little bit in writing. Partially it feels like I’ve not got anything to say, but then I think about all the things that have happened and that seems crazy. Or lazy. Oopsy daisy.
Right.
So before I forget that these things have even happened, I’m just going to jot them down a little bit. Maybe I’ll come back for more. We’ll see.
I have another job interview tomorrow. I’m not particularly optimistic about getting it, which also means that I’m not desperately wanting it. I suppose I’m not also doing a super job of prepping for it, but scoff. I am feeling a bit disdainful of all the work you’re “supposed” to do for a job interview and then they opt not to give you the damn job.
I got another nephew. Leonard was born on April 10. And while he might be called Leo, my brother chose to name his offspring Leonard and if that’s not proof that he needs a really good therapist, then there is no such thing as proof.
And then Leo had a thing with his bowel and he had to have surgery when he was 3 days old and there was a lot of unhappiness and worry about this, but it seems like he must be fine now. I will go see him later when he’s less boring.
My very good friend Nina ran in the Big Sur marathon on Sunday, so the David and I went down to see her. We stayed in a big old victorian mansion bed & breakfast and it was flowery^5 and cute and I liked it a lot. It was a gorgeous sunny weekend, and a nice drive down, and the first weekend in months and months that I’d had the David at home, not in Tahoe, and not working all weekend. Nina survived the marathon. It was kind of a miracle. To me anyway.
Lastly, peas are finally in season and I’m not eating another apple for 6 months.
Filed under these are the days of my lives
Last night I had a dream that I’ve actually remember and it amused me a lot, so I’m writing it down.
Chuck was working on invention. It was a tube that you could pass things through to transcend space and time.
[And this makes who the bigger nerd? Me for having a nerdy sci-fi dream that literally includes the phrase “transcend space and time” or Chuck for being the creator of such a device?]
The prototype of this device looked like the tube-y part of a feather duster, pictured here for your edification. 
So Chuck is explaining this workings of his device to me and Jessica, at length, in great technical detail. She and I are sitting together, side by side. And Jessica, in her way is looking attentive and interested. Who knows what I am looking like. I do not have that way.
And then, without changing her demeanor in any way, Jessica nudged me with her elbow. And I knew! She had no idea what he was talking about either! Possibly due to the huge impediment of not caring whatsoever.
I think maybe that it was really David who nudged me in the reality realm and that if he hadn’t have done so, maybe I would have learned how to transcend space and time. Except who am I kidding. I wasn’t paying attention anyway.
Filed under these are the days of my lives
I am horrified to report that The David crash crash crashity crashed his car yesterday while coming home from Tahoe by himself. On the 80. Going 70 mph. Crash into the guardrail. Spin out. And then facing the oncoming traffic. And he has no idea why it happened.
Important take aways here:
THE DAVID IS NOT DEAD.
The David is not hurt.
No other cars crashed in to him and no one else was hurt.
Even so, I can’t think about it without feeling nervous and panicked and possibly like pooping. And I can’t stop thinking about it. Because oh my god, what if. What If?! I am refusing to actually expand upon the rest of the “what if” thought because it’s just to awful to imagine. Or talk about. Or write about.
So I’m just generically freaking out.
And now, without a car, he’s biking in to work and planning to do so indefinitely, which makes me nervous, as well. All that unprotected poppet body exposed to the elements and the automobiles!
How rather perversely horrible it is to care about someone so much that you have all this worry and fear about what the outside world might do to him. When it might be so much nicer to just stay safe in a little nest where I can make lots of macaroni and cheese and no one ever gets paper cuts.
Filed under The David
margaret edith 