Chickadees

I just finished making a photobook of old pictures of me and my brothers as babies and kiddies.
When my Grandpa Joe died, a relative gave me his collection of pictures from my family, which my mom must have mailed to him over the years.  So I had my own little personal collection of childhood pix.

I made the book for my mom for her upcoming 64th birthday and titled it chickadees, which is what she used to call us when we were wee.

I love that I’ve regressed back to my 5 year old hair cut.

Whenever people want to know which brother is which, I tell them that J was the ugly one. Then they get horrified that I could say such a thing, but sure enough, they can then identify the twins correctly.

I can’t imagine the three babies, but looking at the pictures, I remember the hooligans we were.  Awesome hooligans.

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Filed under Nifty things, Up to Stuff

Tell me a story

My very, very sweet boy also reads to me every night.
Complete with voices.

A few days ago, out of nowhere he said “Can I ask you something?”

And I panic, because once I give permission for the question, it could be:
Why don’t we have sex every five minutes?
Would you mind if I spent more time on my own?
Do you secretly eat whole bags of crisps in one go?
Really, how many people have you slept with?
How would you feel if I moved back to England next year?
<continue out of control mind spin>

So I say, “Oh my god. What?”

And he looks at me, a bit startled, and asks “Do you think you’d mind if I did the voice of Count Rogen differently? I don’t think I got it right so far.”

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More nicer

I feel a little guilty about yesterday’s post.  Granted, I still don’t want to hear a hollow “you look pretty” when I am *clearly* looking heinous, but yeah, it’s wretched to complain about that, right?

So some things nicer:

I was worrying about how it had gotten so hard for me wake up at 5:30 am to get to the gym in the mornings since I’d started adapting to my boy’s schedule.  Let’s be honest, I would generally welcome any excuse to have to miss waking up that early, so it was sort of awesome to just skip out on it guilt free.  But I started feeling pudgier.  And the war I waged to fit into size 8 pants started to recede.  So I was bemoaning this.  What did darling poppet do?  He started getting up at 5:30 to go to the gym, too.  It just warms the cockles of my curmudgeonly little heart.

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I Feel Pretty

This morning, as we were walking down the sidewalk beginning our daily commutes, my boyfriend said to me “you look pretty.”

Of course, this is a nice thing for a boyfriend type person to say.  But at this particular moment, I looked at him, opened my mouth to say something, and after a lengthy pause, managed “ok, well that’s nice of you to say, poppet.”

Over instant messenger, once we were both at work, a ridiculous argument ensued about why I got annoyed that he said I was pretty.  For real.  So either I’m just an evil asshole, or boys are silly.

So, I know I’m not a supermodel.  And certainly I’ve got some physical attributes that I’d say are less than gorgeous.  But in a completely objective way, I know that I’ve got a nice enough looking face and that I’m probably better looking than at least 50% of the population.

But!  This moring:
1.  I have spots.  Not big gross ones, but a lot of little annoying ones.  Blackheads that just won’t settle down and are getting irritated and making blotchy read camp sites around my nose and chin.  While donating my apartment to the sleeping needs of the boyfriend’s visiting sister and brother-in-law, I went without Proactiv for about 3 days.  And it shows.
2.  I am exhausted.  I don’t know if I’m half-way catching the end of summer cold that’s been going around, but I am dragging.  And it is written all over my face.  Particularly in quippy little witticisms under my eyes.
3.  In order to eek out as much sleep as possible, I didn’t get up until it was too late to take a shower.  So my hair is a bit scrotty and ratty, and vaguely precursor-y of the greasiness it will be in 6 hours.
4.  No make-up.  Same reason as number 3.  Too tired to take the extra five minutes.  Thus, am spotty, with a splotchy skin tone.  No eyeliner or mascara = pasty puffy piggy eyes.
5.  My pants are just a little bit too tight and are all crease-y across my hips and upper thighs.  Some good eating and going to the gym habits have slipped.  Whatever.  I suck.

Thus, it was not my foxiest day.  I look rather fugly.  Not a big deal.  Some other day will be better.  But a strange time indeed to be telling me that I look pretty.  And the thing is, I get it.  He’s a boy, feeling like saying something nice and loving.  And his boy noggin says to him ‘what’s a nice thing to say that expresses my lovingness and attraction?’  The noggin, very uncreatively, suggests the ol’ ‘you look pretty’ line.  So he tries it.  It falls a little short.  She gets annoyed and the boy and the noggin are confused.

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31

I am turning 31 today.  It’s a prime number.  And odd.  And sort of like 30, except one year later.  So a lot less momentous and a lot more generic In-My-30’s style.

I’m not freaking out.  I’m actually a little bored.

But in an effort to try and give myself a little yay, I have been wearing nothing but green dresses all week.  And I have two more planned for tomorrow and Friday.  In fact, I have enough green dresses that I could keep going for a few days after that, as well.  So green dresses it is.  Self indulgent in a mildly bizarre way, I guess, but that’s what I want.

Dinner tonight with my best girl and my best boy.

Drinks on Friday with whoever might deign to show up.

And then a whole lotta days of just being 31.  Hopefully, an excellent version of it, though.

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Very early morning curses!

My tired out ass was up in the gym at 6:30 this morning.  But woe is me, no workout clothes were there!
Hence the curses.  As it was very, very early the curses were rather lame.  I.e. Blast!
So then I just went to work and sat down at my desk.  At 7 am.
I’m now starving for lunch.  At 11 am.
But you know who is going to be all kinds of yay about this at 4 pm today?
Me!  That’s who.
Because I will be on my way home a whole hour and a half early on a Friday.

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Eine Kline Beer and Brother

My brother and his girlfriend came to visit this weekend. I haven’t seen them (or any of my family) since last May, so it was super to have some beefed up Hannon time. I feel extra specially Volvo and Buggles infused.

The girlfriend is 6 months pregnant and seems to be a very normalizing factor for my brother. He didn’t get ridiculously drunk once. He (and they) seem to be doing very well. I’m excited about the pending nephew business and eager to see Joe being dadly. Although, he did let me trim some of the more outrageous of his eyebrow hairs. Perhaps he needed those to bolster the dad style mojo.

My favorite part of the weekend was going to the German Tourist Club in Oakland. Evidently, there’s another one in Marin that is better known, but we lucked out and stumbled across some info advertising Herbstfest in the Oakland Hills.

The scene was predominantly 65 and older, but they were wearing Bavarian costumes and polkaing to an oompa band, so the people watching was still super. Mostly, we just sat at a picnic table under a big oak tree and drank a fair amount of beer and just chattered.

It was good to have some family time, particularly pleasant family time.  The Squeeze was happy to be there and very accommodating and all rose-colored glasses about my brother and his pending fatherhood.  So it was a nice weekend, and beer in the Oakland hills was a very good find.

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Climbing Walls


I tried out wall climbing last night at Great Western Power Company in Oakland.

So that means that I clung to little hand holdy gripping things on a wall, suspended by a rope, and tried to convince my feet to find a new place to step a little higher and then hoist up again. When I was ready to come down, I had to just let go of the wall and allow myself to be lowered by the rope, while imagining what loveliness was happening to my ass which was harnessed in with straps. Anything that creates fatty bulges around the tuchis and thigh area is surely something to pursue, eh?

I was accompanied on this by two lady friends who were quite brave. I was ever so glad to try this out with other women, especially since they’d never done it before either. We had a little lesson on tying the knots for the climber and the belayer, and then he watched while one person did a climb on a short wall and another did the belaying.

And then he turned us loose on the very tall wall, which was… well, quite tall. I got about half way up when I noticed that I was panting and that my heart was racing and that the Maggie mechanism was quite scared! I tried to make it a bit further up, but the panickyness and then the waning strength in my arm muscles pretty much made me think that that was an ok amount of a try when I got to a point where the little hand hold jobbers started being sparse.

I think I may try it again, and possible have less of the fears. Hopefully. And trying things that are scary is good for you, right?

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Outside Lands

I went to the Outside Lands festival this weekend, for the whole shebang: Friday night, all day Saturday and all day Sunday. I am the sort of girl who will plan to do something that is supposed to be entirely recreational and fun, and then angst about it. I was afeared that it would make me crabby and over-sunned and beer boozy, but it turned out to be pretty laid back and non-distressing. There were akazillion people, but it was easy enough to keep a distance from the stage, settle down in a grassy spot and listen to music without being in the crush. This does mean that I didn’t have any intense way into the music experiences, because I wasn’t anyway near the stage and it was basically like listening to the CD, but in the outside.

But whatever. It was a neat thing to have done. The Squeeze was there with me for just about all of it. We spent Saturday with my friend Shiny and some of Sunday with his entourage. It seemed like a good thing to be spending more time with one another’s people. And it had been ages since there’d been good Shiny time, so that was stellar. But then, it turns out a funk of some manner of existed: a complaint was raised that the Squeeze was “rolling around on top of me, “mauling” me and making everyone feel uncomfortable.” I am very fuggered about this, as I don’t recall doing much of anything with him even a little. But one of the members of his crew is an ex-girlfriend, so perhaps the sentiment is coming from her. And I could just obsess over this little bit of snark indefinitely. So let’s just leave it at that, shall we? Harumph.

But anyway.

Aside from having that rather distasteful topic come come up after the fact, I did have a rather nice musing to myself while I was there. I had the (obvious) realization while I was there with the Squeeze that we were friends… I recognized the sense of aimless ambling and plotting about what to do next as that feeling of camaraderie. That we are friends. Pals. People who comfortable sharing and vocalizing any passing though. Of snickering and pointing out the ridiculous looking people. Of daring one another to eat raw oysters. Of just being in one another’s company.

It was surprising and nice thing to recognize.

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Filed under Concerts, The David

I had too much caffeine and I was thinking ’bout myself

It could be too much caffeine.

Or, I could be really bored at work.

And feeling nervous. Because sometimes I just get over wrought.

And lately, I have been fussy about my thoughts on The Squeeze. The thoughts are bordering on mania.

He’s the most normal, most nice, kind and considerate guy I’ve ever dated. And this is very, very nice. I have made no concessions. I have no qualms. I like him and really don’t want to lose him. And this freaks me the fuck out.

Calming breaths. Calming breaths. Calming breaths.

What if? What if I only think that I like him, but I really don’t, and I won’t realize that until 2 years from now? What if I make one snarky comment too many and he realizes that I’m an asshole? What if his sister hates me? What if I am just caught up in not having to be a part of some sick ill open relationship festering wound of wretched? And I’ll never forget that Shel Silverstein said, “what if green hair grows out of my chest?” Yeah! What if?

Can’t I just rationally deduce that he is:
-incredibly good to me
-very handsome and I’m terrifically attracted to him
-quite clever and intelligent both
-silly and playful
-thinking I am pretty and tells me so and I think I might believe him
-active and engaged and very impressive
-(and a whole laundry list of things, and trying to make a list is just insulting because it would be infinite. And I can’t keep writing an infinite list, so I have to stop, except that also)
-really quite superb in the sack <blush>

So be rational, woman. Stop freaking out. He is good. You are good. The us is good. In fact, it’s excellent and wonderful. Having a mental breakdown over something good is just about the dumbest thing you could choose to do at this moment.

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